


Personal Hell

by sodakooh



Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Also Chris is a Fucking Bean, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fuck Off Hell Dream Kevin, I Mean It's in Connor's Hell Dream???, I'm founding Team "Connor has Hell Dreams About Kevin", M/M, Nightmares, Only If You Squint Really Hard, Subtle McTartley Anyone?, Suicide, but not really, holy fuck, who wants to join?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-14 02:15:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12997617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodakooh/pseuds/sodakooh
Summary: Connor has had Hell Dreams ever since he was in grade school. They've followed him throughout his entire life, but once Connor meets the charming, perfect Kevin Price, everything gets significantly worse.





	Personal Hell

**Author's Note:**

> knock knock get the door it's the minions of hades coming to drag your ass to hell
> 
> also pl eA S E READ THROUGH THE TAGS HBBHDH
> 
> WARNINGS ARE THE R E
> 
> along with other random thoughts but shhhh h h

A strange sort of warmth enveloped Connor, spreading from his legs all the way up. There was nothing he could compare it to other than the warm sensation of a fireplace on a winter day back home.

 

Connor had been seated against a wall, and he saw a figure slowly emerge from a doorway. The area wasn’t very well-lit, so Connor wasn’t able to make out a face, but the figure seemed tall.

 

A soft, rhythmic thudding sound was made when shoes came in contact with the wooden flooring. With every step the figure took, Connor became more and more tense. It was in that moment that he tried to stand up, but realized somehow that his hands and legs had been tied painfully tight to the chair with a metal chain. The coldness of the alloy seeped through his clothing, causing him to shudder.

 

“Who’s there?” Connor finally spoke up, trying to sound somewhat brave. His voice betrayed him, however, and trembled with cowardice instead. Somehow, in some way, he knew that something was terribly wrong.

 

The figure was finally close enough to allow Connor to make out facial features, and once he did, he was both slightly confused and comforted in the most curious way.

 

“Elder Price… Why am I tied up? Why am I here?” he asked, a bit relieved when he was faced with someone he trusted.

 

However, that relief quickly turned to fear.

 

Elder Price simply laughed a dark laugh, and Connor almost didn’t recognize it; it wasn’t the charming laugh that Connor knew and loved - the one that he would hear whenever Elder Cunningham said something amusing, or when Connor and Elder Price would talk about the most random of things.

 

“You did this to yourself, Elder,” said Kevin. “Feelings for me? Really? After all we’ve learned from the Book of Mormon?”

 

Connor felt a pain go through his chest. “I… I tried, Elder Price. I tried to turn it off but--“

 

_ “No buts,” _ the other snapped. “You failed, Elder McKinley. Because of your involvement with me, I am getting punished, too.”

 

Connor made a face - one that expressed both confusion, panic, and fear. “Involvement?” he parroted. “But - but I didn’t make a move!”

 

“I was still your target, wasn’t I?” Elder Price asked, and Connor flinched.

 

The redhead looked down, unsure of how to answer that. Elder Price already seemed to know the answer to that, so why should he be forced to actually give a response? Sure, he was the person Connor currently felt romantic and sexual attraction to, but would he go as far as to call Elder Price his  _ target _ ?

 

Suddenly, Connor felt a rough hand tug his hair, causing Connor to lift his head again and emit a small whimper of pain. Elder Price roughly pressed his lips to Connor’s, his free hand cupping Connor’s face.

 

There was a moment of hesitation before Connor actually began kissing back, the roughness of Elder Price’s initiative catching him off guard. As soon as Connor did, however, Elder Price punched him square in the jaw, knocking Connor’s chair off balance. It fell onto its side, Connor now on his side as well since he was attatched by the chains that now dug into his leg and arm.

 

“Disgusting,” Elder Price spat, venom laced in his words. “I  _ am _ your target, then.”

 

Connor felt tears well up in his eyes, both from the pain in his jaw (and head, seeing as he hit it rather harshly when falling with the chair) and the cold, foul look Elder Price was giving him. “Elder Price, I’m - I’m sorry, I just—“

 

Elder Price put his foot on Connor’s arm, pushing down on the chains that were restraining him. They dug down into his skin, causing him to let out a strangled cry of pain. “Shut up. You would rather taint me with your despicable sins than keep to yourself, wouldn’t you?”

 

Connor managed to shake his head, but that made Elder Price seem even angrier. “Stop lying!” he shouted, kicking Connor in his stomach which knocked all of the wind out of him. 

 

Connor wheezed as Elder Price continued with, “You would rather hurt everyone! You would rather make everyone burn in hell with you!”

 

The boy couldn’t take it. He began to sob, the sound of Elder Price’s angry voice continued to shout destructive words.

 

“Say it, Connor!”

 

Uncontrollable sobs, and shaking.

 

“Connor!”

 

_ “Connor!”  _ another voice called out, and Connor’s teary eyes snapped open. In the dim light of their battery-operated lantern, Connor was able to make out Elder Thomas’ worried face.

 

Connor quickly glanced at their surroundings, realizing he was still in his and Chris’ shared room.

 

A wave of guilt, embarrassment and fear rushed through him, and Connor began to quietly sob. Chris, almost like a reflex, immediately pulled him into a hug, shifting positions so that they were both seated upright on Connor’s bed.

 

“Another Hell dream?” Chris asked in a soft tone.

 

A nod.

 

“Do you… want to talk about it?”

 

Connor’s breath hitched, the memories of the dream still fresh in his mind. Connor shook his head, his quiet sobs gradually becoming a little louder. They were muffled by Chris’ shirt, thankfully, so Chris was the only one who heard it.

 

“That’s okay. You’re safe now,” Chris said in a gentle voice. 

 

Connor nodded a little bit, trying his best to calm himself and stop soaking Chris’ shirt with his tears.

 

So far, Chris was the only one who actually knew about how awful the hell dreams were. Sure, he had mentioned it to other Elders when Elders Arnold and Cunningham arrived, but he was pretty sure that none of the other housemates had ever witnessed anything as bad as Chris had.

 

Connor sniffled, brows furrowed deeply. “Thank you… for tolerating me,” Connor whispered in a broken voice.

 

Chris chuckled lightly, his breath causing a few strands of dishevelled red hair to shift. “It’s nothing, companion,” he said in a light-hearted tone. “I’ll comfort you as best as I can, okay? They’re only dreams. They aren’t real.”

 

Another small nod.

 

But the fact was that even though it was a dream, it kept happening again and again. Dreams where Elder Price would be there, calling him vulgar terms, beating him, and taking Connor’s love for him to throw back.

 

These dreams were terrifying and even affected Connor during the daytime. Connor would randomly begin feeling anxious - fearful even. Although he tried his best to conceal his own emotions, Connor began unconsciously pulling back and keeping his distance between him and Elder Price.

 

Connor sat at the rectangular-shaped table that all of the Elders sat at during meals, awake relatively early since he couldn’t fall asleep after the new Hell Dream he had experienced the night before. Connor’s arms cradled his body, a mug of hot water and some herb grown in Africa (to substitute his regular mug of herbal tea at home) cooling down in front of him.

 

_ “You want to taint everyone. Disgusting!” Elder Price shouted, hand tugging a fistful of hair as Connor was bruised and on his knees. _

 

_ “No I don’t! I’m sorry!” _

 

_ Elder Price let go rather roughly, taking a few steps away as though he couldn’t bear being anywhere near Connor. “Sorry, huh? Sorry doesn’t mean anything. You don’t know what will happen to me because of your detestable actions!” _

 

_ Just then, almost as if it was in slow-motion, Elder Price pulled out some sort of slick, sharp blade from his pocket. _

 

_ “They will make me suffer. They will make both of us suffer,” he began slowly, eyes fluctuating between fear, anger, and regret. _

 

_ “Elder, what are you doing?” _

 

_ “I’m not going through that.” _

 

_ “Elder Price, don’t-” _

 

_ “I  _ will not  _ accept this!” _

 

_ Keeping eye contact with Connor, Elder Price tilted back his head and brought the blade to his neck, swiping it with full force. He made a loud gagging noise that eventually lead to his body crumpling on the floor, lifeless. _

 

“Elder McKinley?” a voice asked from besides Connor, causing him to jump and spill over his ‘tea’. 

 

“Oh goodness, I’m - I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” Connor said, wincing as some of the hot liquid poured onto his pants. He tried not to make a big deal of it, but he was sure that he was going to have red marks on his already-pale legs.

 

Connor finally looked up to see who was speaking to him, and a sense of tension spread throughout his body.

 

“Elder, are you okay? That was still hot--” Elder Price said, a little bit louder because of the panic now in his voice. Elder Price jogged off to grab one of the rags they had nearby, then quickly deposited it on Connor’s lap to absorb the water.

 

“I’m - I’m fine, Elder Price. Thank you,” he said, shifting uncomfortably. Connor avoided looking at Elder Price, for every time he did, he saw the person in his dreams - the figure that punched him, tortured him,  _ blamed _ him. 

 

Elder Price fiddled with his tie ever-so-slightly, something Connor knew he did whenever he was thinking. After knowing each other for almost a year and being what the District Leader liked to call Elder Price’s close friend, Connor began to pick up on things like that. However, after a brief moment, Elder Price sighed and gave him a deep look.

 

Connor couldn’t handle it.

 

With a nervous expression, the redhead got up, legs almost betraying him. “I’m sorry, Elder Price, I have to finish someth--”

 

Just as the words barely escaped his mouth, Connor felt a gentle yet firm hand take his arm, preventing Connor from fleeing the scene.

 

“ _ Connor _ , please,” Elder Price began quietly, “sit down. I need to talk to you.”

 

Though very reluctant and borderline fearful, Connor nodded his head sheepishly, planting himself back into the hard, wooden seats. Had they always been this agonizingly uncomfortable or was Connor simply thinking too much over the small things?

 

“What… was it that you’d like to talk about, Elder Price?”

 

Elder Price’s brows furrowed, causing a little crease to appear between them. Elder Price slowly sat down besides Connor, speaking in what sounded like a hurt tone.

 

“Kevin,” he corrected.

 

Connor shifted in his seat, uncomfortable tension in his body. “Oh,” the male mumbled.

 

Kevin wrung his hands, and Connor recognized it as another thing that Kevin did when he was distressed. “I just feel like it’s easier to just… use each other’s first names.”

 

The redhead nodded, a few locks of ginger hair shifting out of their place. “Yeah, that’s - that’s understandable.”

 

Kevin took a breath, and stared directly into Connor’s eyes. Connor’s breath hitched slightly, the look in his eyes tugging at his stomach.

 

Those hazel, beautiful eyes that Connor loved - the ones that were always filled with determination and pride - were now filled with disappointment, guilt, and even  _ sadness. _

 

That look didn’t suit Kevin Price.

 

“Connor, I - gosh, I don’t even know how to start this… You’ve been acting different. I can  _ see  _ things, Connor, and I know you’re avoiding me.”

 

Kevin’s voice began to change, almost sounding strained and a little choked up. Connor hadn’t noticed his expression, however, since he had been staring intensely at his own clammy hands as though they were the most interesting thing on the earth.

 

“Connor… did I do something?”

 

It was only then that Connor looked up. He heard the quiet tremble in the way that question was asked, alarms blaring in his head.

 

Kevin Price, one of the strongest, most powerful people Connor knew, seemed to be unravelling at the seams. A steady stream of tears began making their way down his cheeks, now lightly flushed. Somehow, though, even when crying, Kevin still looked beautiful and perfect.

 

“I just,” Kevin began again, not bothering to wipe away his tears, “I feel like I must’ve done something, right? Why else would the person I trust the most just…  _ leave _ like that? I did something wrong, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry for making you hate me—“

 

Connor couldn’t breathe. Had he really done this much damage to the perfect Kevin Price? He felt the sting of tears collecting in his eyes, and tried his best to hold himself together.

 

One of them had to, right?

 

“No… no, no, nonono Kevin it wasn’t you,” Connor said, his own voice betraying him and quivering. He took Kevin’s hands in his own after wiping away a few salty tears on Kevin’s cheeks, even if Connor’s fingers trembled. “It wasn’t you. You’re okay, you’re great.”

 

Kevin seemed to cry even harder at that, and Connor wasn’t sure how to comfort him. He gave his hands a shaky squeeze, then continued speaking.

 

“Kevin, you’re wonderful. You didn’t do anything. It’s just… it’s me. It’s always been me.”

 

The dishevelled boy gave him a confused look, and Connor wiped away a few of his tears. “Do you remember when I mentioned I had Hell Dreams every night?”

 

Kevin nodded.

 

“Well, before, they were with Steve - my childhood crush - but recently… you’ve been in them. You’ve been - you’ve been there, torturing me, beating me, doing all these awful things and I just… I couldn’t handle it. I started sleeping less, and started getting jumpy during the day, and I’m sorry. My stupid head and stupid behaviour made you cry and  _ god _ I hate seeing you so upset because it hurts me so much.”

 

Before Connor knew it, he was crying along with Kevin, shoulders shaking as he still tried his best to keep his emotions in check.

 

“Connor… Don’t be sorry. Your dreams are out of your control—“

 

“But you’re wrong! I couldn’t keep my feelings in check. It’s because of these crushing feelings for you that you appear in the Hell Dreams!” Connor said a little louder, shaking his head furiously.

 

There was a beat, and Kevin repeated, “...wait, feelings for me?”

 

_ Heck. _

 

Connor looked up at Kevin, eyes red and face blotchy. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean - I know you don’t feel the same way, and the way I feel is wrong, and I need to just stop—“

 

Connor was caught off guard when he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him, face now buried in Kevin’s shirt and drowned in the warmth radiating off the other male.

 

“Shhh… Connor, listen to me,” Kevin began, Connor practically melting in Kevin’s embrace. “You are amazing, but you need to stop apologizing. Your feelings matter to me a lot. Like, a lot-a lot,” Kevin joked, feeling Connor giggle lightly in his grasp, “and I would never,  _ ever _ hurt you the way Hell Dream Kevin would.”

 

Connor’s breath hitched. “Last night… you - he even killed himself because he thought he would rather die than be tainted by my sinning.”

 

Kevin shook his head, gingerly running his hands up and down Connor’s back. “I would never,  _ ever  _ do something like that. I care about you, Connor. I care about you a lot, and I would never hurt you.”

 

Connor couldn’t help but feel rather content and at ease with the words Kevin said. He hadn’t been aware, but the fact was that he would do anything to stay in that moment. The moment where all of Connor’s worried fled and he melted in the strong and comforting embrace of Kevin Price.

 

Of course, Kevin pulled away after a few moments of silence, and Connor found himself looking into hazel eyes with a new emotion in them.

 

Without getting a chance to figure out what exactly he was looking at, a gentle hand tilted his head up and soft lips pressed into his. Connor had to keep a squeak of surprise inside him, but he didn’t hesitate to return the kiss. Connor tangled his hand in Kevin’s hair while the other rested on his chest. The kiss was hesitant and gentle at first but both men seemed to become more and more sure of themselves as it progressed. Tongues clashed and soft sighs of pleasure were let out, and both felt so completely  _ sure _ of what they did.

 

Before they knew it, they were out of breath and pulled away to catch it again. There was a deep flush on Connor’s pale skin, and Kevin’s cheeks were tinted a shade of red; both were red in part from the crying as well, but that would soon change.

 

Kevin was the first to speak up. “My goodness,” he murmured.

 

Connor took a moment to take in and admire the sight in front of him. Kevin’s lips were slightly parted, his hair tousled, and eyes slightly glassy from the somewhat intense make out session they just had.

 

It was beautiful. 

 

“I… I didn’t know you felt like that too,” Connor admitted, lips curling into a small smile.

 

Kevin suddenly became rather sheepish, trying to fix his hair and put the strands back in their original places. “Yeah, well, I don’t know… seeing you like that just made me want to help and that was the first thing that came to mind and you looked really kissable,” Kevin rambled, only pausing once he realized the words he had said.

 

Connor covered his face partially, trying to hide his wide, embarrassed grin. “Oh my gosh,” he giggled, not able to keep his eyes off of Kevin. “Well, um… that’s flattering, Kevin.”

 

The two Elders sat in silence for a few moments, both processing what had just happened. It was strange how they both went from uncomfortable interactions, to crying with one another, to what Connor would like to call the best make-out session he had ever had.

 

Not that he had many to compare to but hey, who’s counting?

 

All Connor needed was Kevin. That was enough for him. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading !! you're the best
> 
> feel free to check out my other mcpriceley stuff and other fandom stuff ;;)))
> 
> and keep an eye out because another ficlet is on its wa y <3


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